Why What Worked Last Month Isn't Working Now (And That's Normal)

A gentle reminder that your child's growth isn't a sign of your parenting failure—it's proof it's working.

Three weeks ago, my seven-year-old daughter Mac had found her rhythm. Our morning routine flowed like clockwork: wake up at 7 AM, brush teeth while I made breakfast, eat together while chatting about the day ahead, then shoes on and out the door with five minutes to spare. I felt like I'd finally cracked the code of peaceful mornings.

Then, seemingly overnight, everything fell apart.

Suddenly, she needed "five more minutes" every single step of the way. The chatty breakfast conversations turned into silent staring contests with her strawberry and blueberry plate. Getting shoes on became a twenty-minute negotiation that left us both frazzled and running late. I found myself wondering: What happened? What did I do wrong?

The answer, as I later realized, was nothing. And everything. 

Because Mac wasn't the same child she'd been three weeks earlier—she was growing.

When Growth Looks Like Going Backward

If you've been feeling like your tried-and-true parenting strategies suddenly stopped working, you're not alone. Last week, parent after parent shared similar stories: "What's working better in your home now?" quickly became "Actually, nothing feels like it's working anymore."

Here's what I've learned through years of supporting families and diving deep into child development research: when what worked last month suddenly doesn't work this month, it's usually not a sign that you're failing as a parent. It's often a sign that your child is growing—and their developing brain has new needs.

Child development isn't a smooth upward climb. It's more like a spiral staircase where children revisit similar challenges at deeper levels as their neurological capacity expands. What looks like regression is often reorganization. 

What feels like defiance is actually development.

The Neuroscience of "Sudden" Changes

Dr. Greenspan and Dr. Dan Siegel's research on brain development helps us understand why children can seem to change overnight. The developing brain goes through periods of rapid growth followed by integration. During growth spurts—both physical and neurological—children often become dysregulated as their brains work overtime to make new connections.

Think about it: if your child's prefrontal cortex (the area responsible for executive function and emotional regulation) is busy building new neural pathways, it makes sense that strategies requiring those exact skills might temporarily become harder.

This is why your previously cooperative five-year-old might suddenly struggle with transitions again, or why your nine-year-old who had been managing their emotions beautifully might have a meltdown over mismatched socks. 

Their brains aren't broken—they're busy growing.

Right-Sizing Your Expectations for Real Development

The key to navigating these shifts lies in what we call "right-sizing" our expectations. This doesn't mean lowering our standards or giving up on structure. Instead, it means adjusting our approach to match where our child actually is developmentally, not where they were last month or where we think they "should" be.

For Toddlers (18 months - 3 years): If your previously agreeable two-year-old suddenly seems to resist everything, they might be working on autonomy and language development. Instead of fighting the "no" phase, try offering two acceptable choices: "Would you like to put your shoes on in the living room or by the door?"

For Preschoolers (3-5 years): When emotional regulation skills seem to disappear overnight, remember that preschoolers are developing theory of mind—the ability to understand that others have different thoughts and feelings. This cognitive leap can temporarily overwhelm their emotional systems. Return to co-regulation: "I see you're having big feelings about this. I'm right here with you."

For School-Age (6-12 years): If your previously organized child suddenly can't remember their backpack, they might be navigating new social dynamics or academic challenges that are using up their mental energy. Simplify systems temporarily and gradually rebuild complexity as they integrate their new skills.

For Tweens and Teens (13+ years): When your communicative child becomes monosyllabic, honor that their developing sense of identity might require more privacy and space. Stay available without pushing, and trust that connection will return in new forms.

Staying Flexible as Your Child Evolves

The most connected families I work with share one crucial trait: flexibility. They understand that effective parenting isn't about finding the perfect system and sticking to it forever. It's about staying attuned to their child's changing needs and adjusting accordingly.

This might mean:

• Temporarily returning to a co-sleeping arrangement when a school-aged child goes through an anxious phase

• Adjusting bedtime routines when a child's sleep needs shifting

• Modifying chore expectations during times of academic stress

• Increasing emotional support during social transitions

Flexibility doesn't mean inconsistency. It means having core family values that remain steady while allowing the methods of upholding those values to evolve with your child's development.

The Gift of Individual Differences

Perhaps most importantly, remember that every child develops at their own pace. Even within the same family, siblings might hit developmental milestones at different times and in different ways. Your sensitive child might need more emotional support during transitions. Your sensory-seeking child might need more physical outlets during growth spurts. Your anxious child might need extra reassurance when their world feels unpredictable.

These aren't flaws to fix—they're features to honor. When we right-size our expectations to match not just our child's age but their individual temperament and current developmental needs, we create space for authentic growth rather than forced compliance.

Moving Forward with Curiosity, Not Criticism

The next time you find yourself thinking, "This used to work, what's wrong now?" try replacing that thought with curiosity: "My child is growing and changing. What do they need from me now?" “What is the typical challenges of this age?” I have written a popular posts called Ages & Stages to have a better guideline for you to follow with helpful PDF’s.

Sometimes the answer is more structure. Sometimes it's more flexibility. Sometimes it's more connection. Sometimes it's more space. 

The key is staying attuned to your unique child in this unique moment, rather than trying to force them back into a system that fits their earlier developmental self.

Remember: when what worked last month isn't working now, it's not a sign that you're doing something wrong. It's a sign that your child is growing—and that your responsive, attuned parenting is working precisely as it should.

Already Part of Our Community? Share this post with a parent friend who needs a reminder that their child's growth isn't a sign of parenting failure—it's proof that their responsive parenting is working.

💬 What's one strategy that stopped working for your family recently? Share in the comments—you might be surprised how many other parents are nodding along in solidarity.